The atmosphere was serene, by far the most calm he had observed in the last two days. He was hoping for an answer here. He was almost sure he would get one. As he entered, he could hear the soulful rendering of bhajans. He had always felt, that while Carnatic musicians, in their form of music, paid more attention to the beauty of the numbers, Hindustani musicians paid more attention to the beauty of the notes, and therefore made their music more soulful. He was always a rasika of bhajans, and these made him sway to the tunes with joy. With a mind in sync with the song, and heart filled with devotion, he was swaying to the tune of the bhajan when he saw a yogi, presumably the guru, the beggar was talking about, in a yogic trance of a kind.
He went up to the yogi, and sat next to his feet. The rudraksha beads were rotating in his fingers. Venkataraman was involved in the Hare Krishna Hare Rama going on around him, when he felt a hand on his head. He turned to see the guru looking at him with the care of a mother. He didn't know why, but when he saw the yogi, he starting sobbing, like a child which sees its mother returning after a long time outside. The yogi then opened his mouth. "Son, Life is a vicious cycle, like you must have already heard many a time. Cry it out, it makes you think clearer, once your sorrows are drowned. Else you will have to drown in and with your sorrows."
Venkataraman then proceeded to tell him about his sanyasa and the news of his wife following it. He told him, about how sanyasa, and the sadhanas associated with it, were more of a dream, and how he wanted to force it upon himself, while the bonds were not severed totally, and the pangs of the heart still hurt him. The yogi understood it, and told him that true sanyasa involved detachment, on a mental level as well. The mind was more powerful than the body, he said, as the latter is just an instrument, which is used by the former to obtain its ways. He also told him about how mental detachment also did not necessarily mean physical detachment, but this was something Venkataraman's mind was not willing to accept. Sanyasa, as he had read and heard, had always been abandoning your everything, and going off to a place of no return. He could not accept a state of mental sanyasa. This question kept lingering on his mind. The yogi, then asked him to meet his guru, Khalsapati, and tell him that Satyananda Thirtha had sent him. The guru will clarify the questions of his mind, he promised.
He went up to the yogi, and sat next to his feet. The rudraksha beads were rotating in his fingers. Venkataraman was involved in the Hare Krishna Hare Rama going on around him, when he felt a hand on his head. He turned to see the guru looking at him with the care of a mother. He didn't know why, but when he saw the yogi, he starting sobbing, like a child which sees its mother returning after a long time outside. The yogi then opened his mouth. "Son, Life is a vicious cycle, like you must have already heard many a time. Cry it out, it makes you think clearer, once your sorrows are drowned. Else you will have to drown in and with your sorrows."
Venkataraman then proceeded to tell him about his sanyasa and the news of his wife following it. He told him, about how sanyasa, and the sadhanas associated with it, were more of a dream, and how he wanted to force it upon himself, while the bonds were not severed totally, and the pangs of the heart still hurt him. The yogi understood it, and told him that true sanyasa involved detachment, on a mental level as well. The mind was more powerful than the body, he said, as the latter is just an instrument, which is used by the former to obtain its ways. He also told him about how mental detachment also did not necessarily mean physical detachment, but this was something Venkataraman's mind was not willing to accept. Sanyasa, as he had read and heard, had always been abandoning your everything, and going off to a place of no return. He could not accept a state of mental sanyasa. This question kept lingering on his mind. The yogi, then asked him to meet his guru, Khalsapati, and tell him that Satyananda Thirtha had sent him. The guru will clarify the questions of his mind, he promised.
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